What’s love got to do with it?
As Valentine’s Day draws nearer and nearer, Rachel Borthwick, teaches us a lesson or two about love while she tries to get to the bottom of one stumper of a question…
“How do you know you love someone?” Last week at a barbeque I was asked this seemingly normal, albeit innocent question. It came unsolicited, unpredictably and was delivered with a tone expectant of instant gratification.
For most adults, eyes
would crinkle and mouths
would wear a wry smile as
they thought of an equally
innocent answer to appease
the inquiring child.
Except this time, the question
came not from a child, but from a
30-year-old man named Paul.
In a desperate attempt to buy time,
my mind skipped back a fortnight to a
wedding which we had both attended.
The groom was describing what it was he loved about his new bride. Expecting a plethora of anecdotes and narratives spanning the entirety of their relationship, I was amazed to hear him say, quite simply, “Michelle is always excited to see me.”
“I’m always excited to see him,” I blurted to Paul. Sure,
it wasn’t an original thought but it had certainly
resonated with me in a way that no other words spoken
at a wedding ceremony ever had. The echoing of vows
is a given, but how often do you hear such simple, yet
evocative and truthful words?
The answer seemed good enough for Paul as he moved
on both mentally and physically, asking if I was okay
for a drink whilst simultaneously giving the steaks the
obligatory turn.
However, I was slower to move on, floored by both the
complexity of the question and the simplicity of my
(borrowed) answer. Why did he think I was qualified, at
25 years of age, to provide the framework for answering
one of life’s little mysteries? Then again, why not?
Age should not be a defi nitive barrier to anything, least of all love. The Oedipus Complex springs to mind, whereby a young boy grows to hate his father due to his all-consuming love for his mother. What followed was an internal dialogue fuelled by the justifi cation that despite my lack of experience in the age department, I had most definitely run the gamut of emotions associated with l’amour.
As we move towards St Valentine’s Day – a day that inevitably separates the romantics from the prosaic, the singles from the couples and the pessimists from the optimists, here is a healthy mix of pointers learned, observed and borrowed:
“I think you need to marry your boyfriend, Miss Borthwick. He’s so nice to you. Plus, he’s handsome.” Sophia, aged 8. Children aren’t tainted with the complications of adult emotions, which is precisely why we shouldn’t discount their words of wisdom. It really is that simple. Find someone who treats you right and is nice to look at!
A ‘Kardashian’ is a unit of measurement which represents 72 days of marriage. While those in same sex relationships are campaigning for equal rights, some celebrities are making a mockery of what it means to ‘get hitched.’ Swapping rings? Make it your goal to preserve the sanctity of the institution!
Romantic love is one of the most addictive things on
Earth. More than thirty years have passed since their
deaths and my father still maintains that his grandfather
died from a broken heart just three days after his wife
succumbed to cancer.
“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard.
We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? Thirty years from now, forty years from now? What’s it look like? If it’s with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that’s what you really wanted. But don’t you take the easy way out.” (The Notebook, 2004). Amen, Ryan Gosling.
Each of us shows love in the best way we know how.
An Indian inventor recently wore a sanitary napkin
for a week in order to fashion the best design for his
paramour. With 88% of Indian women unable to afford
proper sanitary protection, the inventor thought, ‘Why
can’t I create a low cost napkin for my wife?’ Proof that
we all do what we can with what we have.
Fighting doesn’t mean you don’t love each other. Not fighting doesn’t mean that you do.
Many people believe in the ‘magic’ of love at first sight.American psychologist, Dr John Buri, believes that we submit potential lovers to an unconscious test where they must satisfy the criteria we search for in a partner. Eventually, we are left with the one who ticks all of our boxes. Plenty of couples claim their relationship began at love at first sight, but the real ‘magic’ is in its longevity.
So there you have it, some personal
musings, borrowed wisdom and
anecdotes to help those of us
who struggle with the myriad
questions associated with love.
By no means is it an exhaustive list of answers or solutions, but may it help you the next time someone (aged 3 or 30!) probes you with a choke-on-your-sausageworthy conundrum! Happy Valentine’s Day.
■ Words: Rachel
Borthwick
What to do this Valentine’s Day...
Tuesday, February 14th is Valentine’s
Day. A restaurant meal is just too obvious.
Here are some suggestions on how you
and your beloved can take advantage of the
‘Hallmark holiday’ in true Inner West style.
● Tight Tuesday Tacos and Tequila?
Make a booking at Glebe Point Road’s Flying Fajita
Sisters. This Mexican institution serves up a mighty
wallet-friendly feast of $3 tacos and tequila shots
every Tuesday. Book a table for two on 9552 6522
● Sydney Shakespaeare Festival
Pack a picnic and ring in Valentine’s Day early
with a night of Shakespeare under the stars.
Bicentennial Park on Glebe foreshore is hosting
Hamlet and The Taming of the Shrew. Performances
run until Sunday, February 12th.
www.sydneyshakespearefestival.com.au
● Take a stroll down King St and
Enmore Rd, Newtown
Take a wander from one end of Newtown to the
other, stopping to enjoy all of the delights (culinary
or otherwise) that this eclectic strip has to offer.
Start your night at one of Newtown’s cheap and
cheerful BYO Thai eateries, then walk southbound
where you’ll find gems such as Elizabeth’s
Bookstore and Fish Records. Catch a fl ick at one of
Newtown’s institutions, the Dendy Cinema before
strolling past the Enmore Theatre to gelato masters,
Cow and Moon. Trust me, your taste buds will thank
you (your hips, not so much!).
An act of love or wasted ink?
The question is commonly asked: what does your tattoo mean? Does it have symbolic signifi cance? Is it for someone special, or just something you got one fateful drunken night for fun?
Many couples that are madly in love
want to make a grand gesture of their
unconditional feelings. Sometimes they just
want to show the world how great their
relationship is. So they brand themselves
with matching tattoos to prove their everlasting
love for each other. “Popular tattoos
for couples are getting each other’s name,”
says Steve, tattoo artist from House of
Pain in Annandale. Names, portraits and
love hearts are also all obvious choices.
However, the fact that tattoos are permanent is often overlooked by couples. The reality today is that many relationships do not last “till death do us part.” People do not stay together anymore just because ‘they should.’ And so the need arises to consider what will happen to the tattoo if things don’t go according to plan – what if you get into a new relationship?
Of course, there’s always laser removal for those brave enough to withstand a pain greater than the pain of the break up itself. Briony, who has recently gone through a break-up, says she’s reminded of her ex-boyfriend everyday by the heart and bow tattoo they both got on their upper thighs for their one-year anniversary.
“Even though I’m not with him anymore, he was a big part of my life and the tattoo helps me remember all the good times,” says Briony. Although she also acknowledges that there were probably better ways to make a romatic gesture with less permanent consequences.
So if you and your loved one are thinking about getting a tattoo this Valentine’s Day, proceed with caution and just make sure you have thought through all the ‘ifs, buts, and maybes’!
■ Shanel Salih
▲ Our cover girl Nikki plays it safe, her
tattoo can be endlessly recycled.
Photo: Ben Cregan